My Thoughts on Groundhog Day

Call me a pessimist or a cynic if you must, but the idea that a big rodent  can predict weather for a whole year is a little far fetched don't you think?  Isn't asking a little too much of a furry rodent who is so fat that it can hardly stand upright on its hind legs.  And remember, the thing is coming out of its winter slumber, so he hasn't even fully awoke yet.

And who the Hell decided that if a groundhog does or does not see a shadow is a form of meteorology?  Do meteorologist have to take a special class about "Animal Behavior and Weather Predicting?"

I have a much better idea for Groundhogs. If these critters are so smart that they can predict the weather, why don't we put their little brains and fat bodies to even better use.  They could be like smaller versions of drug dogs, only they spy and not sniff.  BRILLIANT!!!

Just hear me out - the police could recruit them to carry little, tiny keyhole cameras implanted in their foreheads, so they could scurry around, recording drug dealers and prostitutes in the parks of big and small cities.   There are some parks in cities where you cannot walk more than 100 feet without a drug dealer approaching you and offering up some drug that sounds an 80's rap-song title.

So let's put the revered Groundhog to work for the common good of the people.  Who cares about the weather.  With Global warming, in a few years the groundhog will always be saying that winter is over since we will not have winter anymore.

Long live the Groundhog!!!