i'm obsessive.
i obsess about my career, successfully. i deal with and solve complex problems when i'm at work. When i'm not at work i obsess about and process complex problems that are unresolved or problems i can see coming. i'm a workaholic, an obsessive workaholic.
i'm obsessive. Maybe my condition can be 'cured' by therapy. Well, guess what? Mistress Cassie is my therapist, and She's a great therapist.
Yes, i also obsess about Mistress Cassie and my feminization. i am a Mistress Cassieaholic. That's one too many obsessions. Mistress Cassie understands this better than i do.(Like so many things, She understands).
my goodness - She's absolutely therapeutic!
Mistress has often used the word balance when i get consumed by work. Because when that happens (frequently) i turn to Her for release. Then, She consumes me without breaking a sweat.
Balance.
What i've finally come to understand is that i need both, my work and my Mistress. As i grind away at my career, i have to recognize that i'm good at what i do. The dominant traits that i have , that have been identified in tests like the DISC profile, allow me to be good at what i do. i scored (no surprise to me as a high D. Dominant.
Mistress Cassie has Dominant traits as well. A real Female Dominant. And She's extremely intelligent as well. She's great at what She does, but doesn't let it consume Her. If She let's me be entirely consumed by Her, Her work suffers. If i get totally consumed by Her, my income will be negatively affected. i simply won't be able to afford Her. :o)
So, i've accepted that She has won the feminization and Control war. It was bitterly fought by me, and i don't like to lose - at anything. This is a very, very big defeat, and a huge victory for Her. So now, i HAVE to find balance to survive. Mistress is not going away. There's no new war to wage with Her that i can possibly win.
Mistress Cassie has won. Mistress Cassie always wins.i've hard it from Her numerous times. i'm convinced.................
So, yesterday i was looking at the many pictures i took during the penis gag shoot. my bedroom is a mixture of guy things and gurl things. Last year i altered it to be an entirely Female bedroom. Since then, i've been returning some aspects of it to a guy's bedroom. my closet and all of my dresser drawers are still full of lingerie and Female attire. i may put back a drawer for some guy things (never underwear) and put some ties or belts in my closet. i have to dress as a male during work days. i need to save some time looking for male accessories so that i can divert that time to better, more consistent, Female grooming. Balance.
But, i've got deer mounts on the wall. i hunt deer. Now, some may find this offensive and not very sissy like. It's not perceived a sissy pursuit. It's too manly.
Nonsense!!!!!!
Some Women hunt! Get over it, i did.
Women can do anything a man can do! Often better!
NEWS FLASH - MISTRESS CASSIE NEVER TOLD me THAT i HAD TO REMOVE ALL OF my MALE THINGS FROM my BEDROOM AND MAKE IT A GURL'S ROOM. i DID THAT!
So, if somebody doesn't like the fact that i hunt, go somewhere else on the Web. There's lots of choices out there for the sissy you want to see. i've been hunting for 50 years, it's part of who i am. Mistress has never ever even hinted that i need to give that up. Or many other 'supposedly 'guy' things. (She does make me shave though) :o)
Again:
Women can do anything a man can do!
So, i'm finally figuring it all out. Mistress will correct me if i'm wrong about this for sure.
Today, i shaved (legs, arms, under arms, chest, stomach, pubic hair, all of it)and here are the pictures. Yes, i'm caged again as well. More importantly, and this is critical, i'm beginning to see the light at the end of my own dark tunnel. Mistress can tease and torment me whenever She wants. But i've got to stop tormenting myself.
Now, if real life balance was easy, i'd announce today that i've found it. More nonsense! What i have found is that by accepting Her victory, i can finally see a way to stop tormenting myself. i am finally on the path to life balance. A path provided by Mistress Cassie. i can stop obsessing about being feminized. i'm there - i lost.
It's probably a good thing that i'm not 20 years old and under the Control of Mistress. Maybe i would give up hunting. Maybe She would put me, and keep me, on the path toward sexual reassignment. Breast implants, hormones, surgery. Such is Her power. But She knows that it's too late for that extreme. i'm pushing 60. But She has accomplished something that 3 1/2 years ago i would have thought impossible.
She has made Herself the key to my happiness - finally. Yes, i know, that's a statement an obsessive person would make. Well, that's me.
i'm not quite there yet, but i feel a lot better about my chances of finding some peace and happiness now. i don't have to worry about winning my life time battle against cross dressing. i have lost that battle.
Now i start my new battle. The battle for balance. i don't have to fight this big battle alone. i have the extremely capable Mistress Cassie to help and guide me. withe Her help, i'll balance diane's needs, 'the hunt guy's' needs - and of course, Hers.
One more thing. Mistress Cassie's Hierarchy. Today when i came (and caged) it wasn't Mistress Cassie's image that i was gazing at, it was Tatiana. Tatiana is the latest in a long line of compelling pictures that play a role in Mistress' heirarchy. She can't feminize me every step of the way. Pictures of Women like Tatiana serve a purpose for Her.
Never once has She mentioned a Model that i have been temporarily obsessed with. Why? Because then it would be about Them. Well, today it was about Tatiana when i came, because She was this week's catalyst that led me to cage on Wednesday, yellow panty day. Wednesday, a day of the week made special by Mistress Cassie. Sure i masturbated while looking at Tatiana. But i caged for Mistress, because that's what She's trained me to do.
Next week, i'll probably stumble onto some new exciting pictures and obsess about them for a while. It's all part of Mistress Cassie's hierarchy.
sissy maid diane
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