Top 10 Things Overheard Said By TSA Agents in Airports

Not sure if this is from Letterman or where, but a reader sent this list to me.  Enjoy and please comment if you know the source.  Thanks!

10) “Sir please take off your pants and do the macarena. It’s for the greater good.”

9) “DANG dude why are you so turned … Oh that’s actually a gun!? … What do I do now?”

8) “Do you love America? Eat the magic Jello while I stare at your package. Also, let me see your penis.”

7) “Do you mind if I take off my pants too?”

6) “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Either way *snap of latex glove* bend over.”

5) “I guess if I was stranded on a desert island I would take my favorite movie – The Secretary – a tent, and some stranger to grope.”

4) “Sir. SIR! Please don’t discuss politics in public that’s bad form … Hey!, somebody’s not circumcised!”

3) “Welcome to the airport … Re-live your disappointing prom night sexual experience!”

2) “I didn’t go to four minutes of TSA medical school to be questioned by some commoner!”

1) “Just picture this as a Prince music video and you’ll actually enjoy it.”

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New Year's Eve in Mexico City, AKA Chilangolandia

I think it was my second year living in Mexico--I was invited by some friends to go to D.F. (Mexico City for you who are not familiar with the Local Lingo in Mexico) for New Year's Eve.  They promised me it would be the best New Year's Eve I have ever had.  I was skeptical since I have spent New Year's Eve in New Orleans, Las Vegas and Rio de Janiero.  I thought "No Way it will be better than Rio". 

Well, to make a long story short, It wasn't better than Rio.  As a matter of fact it wasn't better than New Year Eve's spent in New Orleans, Vegas, Austin or even Monterrey, but it did trump New Year's Eves spent in Des Moines, Ames and Uvalde, Texas. 

So, in the most old-fashioned Letterman-style countdown, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Everybody Should Welcome the New Year in Mexico City.

1. You can ice-skate in the middle of the Zócalo. For free.
2. You can buy almost anything in Mexico City, and I mean ANYTHING!
3. There are virtually no illegal Mexicans there (There are Illegal Hondurans, Guatemalans, El Salvadorans, etc)
4. It really is a huge party, much like Mardi Gras
5. You can say “Happy New Year!” a full 2 hours before they do so in California
6. Mexican churches still know how to protect their sanctity
7. You can swear every other minute and no one cares. 
8. Chilangos beat the hell out of the English when it comes to snack foods
9. You can have chilaquiles for breakfast. Everyday. Everywhere
and last, but not least:
10. Street taco makers will do anything to protect your health

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

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